Sunday, July 26, 2009

crazy weekend

another crazy weekend. this weekend is even more crazier than i thought..

first i have lots of unfinished projects to do, with a test coming up on tuesday..

the weekend also marked my fanboy status. omg lets see if i can moderate that..

i started tweeting too! sweet!

and i'm addicted to the weirdest things. like kamen rider. lol.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

come on

the weekend is driving me crazy, but i'm not afraid anymore.

3 projects to rush in the weekends, with another one yet undone, and 2 IAF tutorials to slog my guts out. at least i'm still able to have my fun time now and then. if not for games and whatnot, i guess i'd had given up and just do crap work and skip doing IAF tutorial since i don't feel like it.

SNSD's album helped, ok? xD

was youtubing when i saw this. stupid but yet entertaining. stress reliever! lol



Nice outfits, just can't get enough of the uniforms.. =/



back to the slaughterhouse, i guess..

Saturday, July 11, 2009

reasons to date a video game player

saw this at a forum i frequent.

loled at this.

10 reasons to date a video game player

1. We are good with our hands.
2. We keep going for hours.
3. We learn from mistakes.
4. We know what buttons to press.
5. We can stay focused.
6. We work well in the dark.
7. We don't cheat.
8. We know the best moves.
9. We can always score.
10. We got good aim

Friday, July 10, 2009

read previous post for details. in the end. i don't get a clear idea of what we are talking about anymore..

maybe this shows how much of a dipshit andass i am.

(9:41 PM) Robin: lol
u got wonder b4 what is your role in life?
(9:41 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: LOL
stop talking abt ur blog post
-_-
(9:41 PM) Robin: tmd
when u go see sia
(9:41 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: my role is to die away un noticed
(9:41 PM) Robin: i just uploaded only eh
i mean posted
(9:42 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: leaving this insignificant body mind and soul behind
(9:42 PM) Robin: thats no good.
lol
(9:43 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: hahaha
(9:43 PM) Robin: wad i want to find out is exactly what am i doing
working so hard for
(9:43 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: i'm a pessimist
(9:43 PM) Robin: fighting so hard to do what?
(9:43 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: kill me for it
(9:43 PM) Robin: why am i doing what i am now?
(9:43 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: HAHAHA
i aint even doing anything
(9:43 PM) Robin: what am i here for anyways?
(9:44 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: wondering aimlessly looking for guidance
to somewhere
(9:44 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: somewhere where there are happiness
miracles
(9:44 PM) Robin: right now as i see it i am just studying for studying's sake, playing for playing's sake, fucking up for fucking up's sake
damn
happiness i have
(9:44 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: lol
(9:44 PM) Robin: i want to know what is my purpose in life nia
(9:45 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: purpose is to die insignificantly
(9:45 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: as u're jus an insignificant person in other ppls life
no one would notice
no one would care
(9:45 PM) Robin: so what? i'm not insignificant till i cannot see myself
you're the devil, man
(9:45 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: everyone would jus forget
(9:45 PM) Robin: even if everyone forgets, you won't forget yourself
(9:46 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: u will forget urself
as u're alr dead
(9:46 PM) Robin: i supposed u dont believe in life after death ba
xD
(9:46 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: hahahaahaha
thats something i cant make myself believe in
(9:46 PM) Robin: the moment u forget yourself, you wont exist
is that correct?
(9:47 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: once u die u alr cease to exist
(9:47 PM) Robin: if u haven die yet?
(9:47 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: memories can be forgotten
feelings eroded
(9:47 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: they'll jus blow past like the wind
(9:48 PM) Robin: there's always the conscious self. no matter how hard you try, u can't forget yourself. what are memories compared to your "true self"?
we are talking about the consciousness le
(9:48 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: the prob is
can u even find ur true self
in this superficial world
(9:48 PM) Robin: true if u lose your memories, u wont remember yourself
(9:48 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: everyones hiding behind masks
and slowly
u forget who u really are
(9:48 PM) Robin: but does that means u wont find yourself anymore?
(9:49 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: with guidance yes u'll find urself again
if not
dream on
(9:49 PM) Robin: i take the believe that if u are eroded, are you sure that your true self is not eroded?
(9:49 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: nothing last forever u know?
NOTHING
memories
feelings
true self
(9:50 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: they're jus a tool or method human use to find meaning to their lives
(9:50 PM) Robin: even if everone hides behind a masks, there will be parts where people can find the true self
(9:51 PM) Robin: if what u say is true, then by what process does people put in memories?
(9:51 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: but those parts will disappear once u forgotten wad ur true self is
(9:51 PM) Robin: can we say that we, as of now, don't exist?
(9:51 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: yes
den u tell me
(9:51 PM) Robin: then we are taking the mask for true self?
(9:51 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: why do u live in this world?
why are there pain and suffering?
wads the meaning of life?
(9:51 PM) Robin: why are there things as hope?
(9:51 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: wads ur true self
hopes are jus a way ppl use to deceive themselves
(9:52 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: hopes are delusional
its nvr real
(9:52 PM) Robin: as much as i don't want to admit, a portion of myself resists when i say that we don't exists. what is that then?
delusions?
HOPE?
or just stubborness?
(9:52 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: jus plain stupid
(9:53 PM) Robin: stupid is not an issue here, alright
lol
(9:53 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: lol
wahaha
(9:53 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: everyone is unwilling to face up to the reality.....its true that humans live a meaningless life
wealth? for wad?
material stuffs?
love?
(9:54 PM) Robin: the main point is. if memories are just tools that people create, then what really are memories? a part of hope?
(9:54 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: jus to get affection from ppl
(9:54 PM) Robin: everyone wants affection. right?
(9:55 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: yes...but wads the meaning of getting affection
(9:55 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: when u have to go through so much jus to get them?
why do ppl have great lives...or so they say....
(9:55 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: and why do some have terrible lives
getting incurable diseases?
(9:55 PM) Robin: what about affection in areas where you are not looking for? like parent's love?
(9:56 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: so ppl do not have parents love
(9:56 PM) Robin: ya, but then it all boils down to why we all exists again
(9:56 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: thats why
we are living a meaningless life
as theres no reason for us to exist
(9:56 PM) Robin: i say that everybody has some form of love
self love, is still love
(9:57 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: but to attain self love
(9:57 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: u have to have gone through pain in all other love
(9:57 PM) Robin: then why is there life? and i disagree
(9:57 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: DEN u'll learn to love urself
life is jus a random thing that happened
(9:57 PM) Robin: you need to love yourself before u can call yourself qualified to love others
(9:57 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: an accident
theres life because of an accident
(9:58 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: its jus mere coincidence
(9:58 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: and because of that accident
theres no meaning to life
(9:58 PM) Robin: even if its coincidence, it would need to have a purpose. in order to exists
like people with no purpose in life wilt away
but just talk about plants
(9:59 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: they live on cause they wanna find the meaning to life
(9:59 PM) Robin: they still sprout even if some wilt
(9:59 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: which will nvr be found
(9:59 PM) Robin: purpose of all living things other than people?
(10:00 PM) Robin: you cannot simply say that they live just because they exists to feed people
(10:00 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: well thats wad all humans think
other animals exist jus to feed us
(10:00 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: we're the superior species
(10:00 PM) Robin: maybe we should ask a plant that. lol, and then we can find out the"truth" to their purpose in life
(10:01 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: plants purpose is to bring more life to this wretched place
(10:01 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: if i ever am gonna be a bio chemist
i'll engineer a virus that'll wipe out all plants on this damn place
(10:02 PM) Robin: ok lets go on another view. people are superior species. why is that?
issit because "life" deemed us worthy enough to be able to find out what we are living for? so "life" gave us intelligence, that other species have not enough of?
(10:03 PM) Robin: lol.
(10:03 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: its cause of this damn intelligence thats why the earth is dying
(10:03 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: did nature give us that to killing ourselves?
do u see other animals doing things that will affect their well being?
(10:03 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: and u call us the superior ones?
(10:04 PM) Robin: oi. u said human think they are superior de wad
lol
but animals do things like cannibalisation
(10:04 PM) Robin: is that to their well-being or not?
(10:05 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: thats cause they do that to protect the equilbrium of their ecosystem
(10:05 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: and we kill each other for?
NO FUCKING REASON
(10:06 PM) Robin: then healthcare? if everything is done through natural selection, then we obviously wont be as intelligent as we think
(10:07 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: u think healthcare really helps???? by coming a medicine how much viruses have we made?
(10:07 PM) Robin: or can we say that people are killing one another to "protect the equilibruim of the ecosystem"?
(10:07 PM) Robin: viruses had already been there even before people gained intelligence
(10:07 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: anthrax?
this was not there
(10:07 PM) Robin: viruses also evolve
anthrax would have to be "evolved"
(10:08 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: nuclear weapons that causes cells to mutate?
(10:08 PM) Robin: people can't create things out of nothing
everything is there
just depends on how people use it
metal is there. who thought that it can be made into machines?
(10:09 PM) Robin: gold is there. who thought that it can become a form of currency?
(10:09 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: BUT....thoughts are created out of nothing arent they?
(10:09 PM) Robin: you have you brains to begin with
(10:09 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: brains is the help function ur body
(10:10 PM) Robin: there is brain activity when people are thinking
(10:10 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: since its physically changing the things that are alr there
thoughts arent physical
(10:10 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: can u even prove that they are there?
(10:11 PM) Robin: haha. if you are thinking that, then it will be there issit not?
(10:11 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: thats believing that its there
u cant really pinpoint where it is right?
(10:11 PM) Robin: true true.
(10:11 PM) Robin: at least we can agree on that people attack useless value to things
attaach
(10:12 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: okok
bathe
(10:12 PM) Robin: lol
(10:12 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: i need go out liao
lol
(10:12 PM) Robin: go where sia
so good
(10:12 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: haha
eat
lol
(10:12 PM) Robin: haha gdgd
i'm gna think up of what to do for bd
(10:13 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: LOL
(10:14 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: scientist says thoughts are there jus because they see more brain activity when we're thinking
but that doesnt prove anything
(10:14 PM) Robin: u wanna start again ar?
(10:14 PM) ..|..<(+_Kèññ£th: lol
wahaha

my place?

man. after reading through blogs i found out (admit) that how i post is not very good. you (I) would just wanna say that who cares, its your (my) blog wad. you just write whatever you wanna write, write how u wanna, and just post. After all, its your choice!

lol. i'm feeling that i also have my bad days, where i become more, erm. sensitive/philosophical/intellectual?

anyways, reading through someone's blog made me feel like saying. so what place do i occupy in this world? do i have a mission or aspiration or goal to guide me? perhaps not.

up till now, 18 and more than a half years old, i just studied like i was expected to, play like i wanted to, got into trouble when i felt like it, left some secrets here and there. but now, comparatively speaking, i felt like i am choosing courses for poly again.

why? its like, what do i wanna do in my life? or to put it simply, what place do i have in the world? its like, i'm a free-thinker, mind you, god made each one of us for a purpose right? so what role am i supposed to fulfill? i cannot just keep playing or studying forever. I know sooner or later i may have to work, feed my own family, and do all those things that adults do, or get to do.

yes, to tell you the truth, i guess i'm just a child. lol. i can be what you say, immature, childish, geeky, nerdy and so on.

sidetracking..

well, its like i read somewhere, people put on different faces on different occasions. like in school i think that i am those kinds that just study or whatever. but at home i will be like arguing with my brothers over the smallest things, ask kenneth for example. of course, i'll feel ashamed, but that doesn't mean that i will admit to it.

back on track..

so now the thing is, or what i've just thought up is, i want to know what i'm here for. i just cannot imagine a future where i "grow up" or finally become an adult, which means that i get to be independent. I've always liked to be led. i don't feel like leading but that doesn't mean i cannot lead. why? because i feel the most comfortable to have a plan decided for myself rather than think up of a plan for projects. its not that i cannot do it, but i just don't want to.

guess i'm just stubborn and has low confidence to boot. hahaha.

another topic..

they say angels do exists. to believers or non-believers. ok. that's from russell lee's true singapore ghost stories book 19. haha. anyways, my point is since i cannot see or feel them, i don't really believe it. like everything else really. i think i'm just another "lost sheep". maybe. its like. i don't sense anything. how to believe? but in all cases concerning the supernatural and the mythical, looking for signs doesn't help. either you receive or don't receive it.

lol. loooking at it another way. i guess i just believe in what i want to, like i believe in ghosts, but not in vampires and werewolves, i believe that god is looking over us but i don't really believe in religion. guess i just swing that way.

i've said so many things, but i guess i just want to see that the things i believe in is real. like i want to receive signs. which i think my nature by itself is sinful? i fear being "turned over to the dark side", or was all along in it.

i did/do bad things. i committed sins. i guess people would think that i'm just a freak when they know what i was up to. or not. i get addicted on things. to things. i've never confessed. i dont want to say what i did. i don't want to say it to another person. secrets, especially personal secrets, should be kept secret until i grow out of it. eventually, i hope.

i feel unworthy of loving people. i suppose i can love myself, but then when it comes to loving other. i have no idea. can being attracted to one be called love? definition of love? infatuation? crush? what the hell is all that? how do you know you are in love? are you sure everyone's way of loving or how they felt when they felt love are the same?

now i feel like i am an empty vessel in another sense. too many things i failed to learn, too many things i want to learn, to many things for me to learn, too many things to accept or reject. its not like i don't like my life, i just want to do something worthwhile. kinda like a milestone or something. I've missed that my whole life, i guess.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY ROLE IS.

i don't want to think by myself being led is better since i don't have to think if i dont have to think that means my life is decided for me i wont need to worry about a thing i dont have to worry about a thing then why am i here if i don't think for myself?

sidetracking..

i'm scared. no. uncertain of my knowledge of the devil. honestly, i think the devil has a lot more to believe about. for one, i believe that everyone has a little devil in them. makes them do evil deeds. i'm scared of what i think about sometimes. its like u felt good from things you did and then after doing that you feel like shit. the devil is messing with us

in the end it comes down to i just want something to believe in. seems like you cannot believe yourself all the time nowadays. why can't there be just an "absolute" truth? or does that mean i haven't found it yet?

bolding helps me think. i guess.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

woohoohoo

lol. anyways went back to school after hols. apart from the waking up at 6am part, its going smoothly la. haha.

will have 4 projects this term to freak me out, plus some exams which is in the same week as the presentation and report deadline, the incoming NAPFA test, everything makes me so scared now. especially NAPFA.

personally i won't mind entering army 2 months earlier, just treat it as special training or something. but i wouldn't want to embarass myself when going for NAPFA test. ohmygod.

life is boring lately, so i also have nothing to update about. xD

HMV STILL HAVEN'T CALL ME YET! wtf sia..

anyways its good to see my classmates cum friends again. ahaha.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

legend of the golden witch

My beloved hometown, the sweetfish river running through it.
You who seek the Golden Land, follow its path downstream and seek the key.

If you follow the river downstream you will find a village.
In the village, look for the shore the two will tell you of.
There sleeps the key to the Golden Land

He who lays hand upon the key shall travel under the rules below.

At the first twilight, you shall life up as sacrifice the six chosen by the key.
At the second twilight, the surviving shall tear apart the two who are close.
At the third twilight, the surviving shall praise my honorable name of high.

At the fourth twilight, gouge the head and kill.
At the fifth twilight, gouge the chest and kill.
At the sixth twilight, gouge the stomach and kill.
At the seventh twilight, gouge the knee and kill.
At the eighth twilight, gouge the leg and kill.

At the ninth twilight, the witch shall be revived and none shall be left alive.
At the tenth twilight, the journey shall end and you should reach the village of gold.

The Witch will praise the wise, and should bestow four treasures.

One shall be, all the gold from the Golden Land.
One shall be, the resurrection of the souls of all the dead.
One shall be, even the resurrection of the lose love.
One shall be, to put the Witch to sleep for all time.

Sleep Peacefully my most beloved witch, Beatrice

- Legend of the golden witch


I wonder how the people managed to make a story feel compelling to the reader, but i'm excited. no sadistic to find out how episode 1 ends, since its a bad ending yet i dont feel so bad knowing that. aha.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

kira kira

i think i get make a name for myself playing weird games from my limited circle of friends..

anyways, Kira☆Kira is a nice visual novel. damn.

lol. guess genie's not out yet. HMV peeps still havent called me to collect my order. and i haven't study SM yet. lol better do it now. xD